Today is February 6th. Two years since I started this blog. Two years since that Superbowl that I went to a friend's house and after the game went home and cried. Not because of the score or the game or anything petty like that... but because of the inescapable loneliness that threaten to overtake my life. And today... today, as I watch the sky turn shades of pink in the fading daylight, see the two year old who was only a small baby at this time two years ago, laugh and talk to himself, I know how lucky I am now. And how happy.
When I moved to Iowa, it was the first place in my life, I found peace. True peace. True release. True surrender. It was the starting point. And now, that peace and surrender are daily companions. And they have led me to a place I never thought I would find or experience.
I know happiness is fleeting, but honestly, I'm not really a sunshiny cheerful person on the inside. I struggle with many personal demons (don't we all) and struggle against a past that I still feel weighs me down. So, for me to say that I'm happy is something that's on the inside. My happiness isn't just happiness. God is turning my happiness into true joy. That's the place I never thought I'd experience. And now it's all happening...
Oh, there are many days I still feel at war with myself, but I doubt that will ever vanish in this world. It's more about the fact that I'm learning how to surrender and accept the peace that is making the difference in my life. 
