Getting Lost

Interesting, how that restless drum that often haunted me to the point of paralyzing fear was also a driving force in other areas of my life. Peace, once so elusive, is the cornerstone of my life these days, and yet, my life is busier than it has been in months. I went away for the long weekend. I turned off my phone and relied on the weather and my own body to tell me such things as when it was time to eat, time to go for a hike, time to do something else. I left the busy behind to explore getting lost. For a few short days, time didn't exist for me. I like a schedule. I like a routine. But the way I find myself (for lack of a better term) is to go get lost.

Christ is the peacemaker of my life. One of my favorite things about camping is getting up before anyone else and having my cup of tea and reading my Bible in front of a newly made campfire- usually created from the smoldering coals left from the night before. That is when the peace is most evident. Having a deer cross not even 10 feet from me to have her breakfast, watching the chipmunks chase each other through the brush, seeing the sun through the leaves, slowly warming the ground and casting sun spots all through the campsite. Stopping and appreciating all these things and many more is a part of what peace is to me.

Since coming home from camping, I have found myself taking my time with things. Life is less hurried. There is less urgency to tackle the mountains of laundry, to return the many items to many stores, to rush. The peace has created a tangible presence inside. When I stop and breathe, I can feel it filling me up. I can feel it calming all my fears- real fears that still haunt me and cause me to ache.

I know how to write about that. I know all the right words to say about fear and pain and running from it. But peace... what can I say about peace that hasn't already been said? It's the type of thing a person has to experience to understand. I have a strong belief that this peace does not exist outside of the love of Jesus. I think a version of it might be able to be found because I know of many people who are filled with a sense of peace. It's an understanding of seeing how unable we are to be the person we want to be and being loved in spite of it. Grace brings the peace. Acceptance of our own fallibility and surrendering our inability to do anything about it brings the peace. The peace comes out of the knowledge that we can be better people by the bodies, minds and spirits God has given us, but ultimately we need Him to become the very truest, "perfect" versions of ourselves. And that knowledge, knowing that I can only do so much before relinquishing to someone greater is what brings me peace. Knowing there is someone stronger, greater and more sustainable than I could ever be, even at my very best. Faith brings the peace.

Trust
Delight
Commit
Be Still