Transformation

The view outside my window is one that is seared on my memory. The way the tall evergreen in the background is partially covered by the pine tree and the pane of the window creates a frame- like a perfect picture. I had dreams of this view, long before I was here. The saffron carpet from just a few weeks ago has given way to naked branches of winter, shuddering in the wind, their canopy of shade lost to the gusts. And today, the first white snowflakes grazed my cheek. I had to pause to make sure I saw them and then to my utter delight, I felt their delicious tingle on my face. For whatever reason though, once I'm past the first snow, winter fills me with bleakness, mourning and reminds me of things dying. (Morbid, right?) Spring fills me with joy, hope and a feeling of well-being, after months of cold, despair and hibernation. It's like my soul goes into hiding after the first snow and then at some point when the sun starts to shine a little stronger and the wind doesn't bluster on so much, I feel a slight thaw. My hearts starts to warm. This happens every year, but this year, after struggling so much to make my life springtime again, the tentacles of winter have grasped me rather ruthlessly. But... as cliche as it sounds, life is so much more beautiful after a long winter of emptiness, of barrenness, of loss, of pain, of nakedness (of the soul).

And now, as the chill closes in, I remember how far I've come and how far I have yet to go. And so, I return to the everlasting arms who know perfect peace, who know strength and can surround and protect from any storm. My faith is the only thing that has remained and so why should I doubt it now? Rebuilding takes the strongest of hearts. Moving on is only challenging when one keeps looking back. Growth is only possibly after a long period of dormancy. So... again, it is time to move forward with small baby steps, knowing that the answers and the change will continue to come if sought after with a pure desire for transformation.