Something more....

You know... after the week I've had, you would think I would have something to write about. You would think I would have something meaningful to tell people, but I have come to the conclusion that while I am an introvert, I really do like interaction with some people. I'm going slightly crazy when the most interesting conversation I've had all day is with a four year old. And I've started to realize that when I talk about my job, it's what others do for their life. I have some great stay-at-home mom friends and I realize, my job mirrors in a lot of ways, their daily lives. And I find when I'm talking about my job, I'm thinking in the back of my head, I need something more. I ache for something more. Nannying is great right now. It really really is. It's good- good enough, for now. But I can't imagine my whole life being about staying at home with the kids. I'm not saying that I think it's not worth it for those who do it. Trust me, the women in my life who do it are some of the most amazing women I know. What I am saying is that I have always wondered if I would be fine staying at home with my children and maybe it will be different, but right now, I ache for something more. I look forward to the time when I can be at a job that is really the heartbeat of what I want to do with my life. And again, don't get me wrong, I love my job. And I'm not looking to change anything about my life and it's current state. No way! I've waited too long to get to this place. But... there is still a part of me that is saying, "this is only temporary." And I was talking to someone lately who without meaning to, started 20 Questions about my future. And I flipped! On the outside, I was still calm and composed and I attempted to answer his questions. But on the inside, I was scrambling, like, "what if this answer isn't good enough?" or "oh my gosh, I actually don't know how to answer this." And I realized this week, I should probably figure out the answers to those questions. Maybe not completely, but as my friend suggested, perhaps I should set some goals for myself to make the direction I think I want to go in, the direction I'm actually headed toward.