Relinquishing Control

Remember when I talked about being an adult in a relationship? Well... I wasn't talking about just romantically. It's all relationships. And it's hard. The thing I struggle with the most is letting people be- just letting them have the reaction and the response and the choice to do as they want. I can't make them act, talk or be the way I want them to be. I can only let them be who they are and love them the best I can. It's so frustrating though! With certain people in my life, especially. When I want them to be happy for me and they can't get out their own way... when I want them to stop acting so selfishly and see how different I am... (now who's acting selfish?! Yes, I know these desires basically make me selfish, but I still desire it.) This has to be how God feels. I think of Bruce in Bruce Almighty when he has God's powers and tries to force Grace (his girlfriend) to love him again. He stands in the playground and outstretches his arms and cries out, "Love me! LOVE ME!!" And she turns around and says, "I did." I think that's how we treat God many times. He wants to love us. He has so much to offer us- new beginnings and new life, and all we offer him are sloppy seconds. And I'm not likening myself to God in the situations above, but I ache for the understanding of how to love people who can't love themselves and in turn say and do hurtful things.

I'm stumped. I think it would be easy if these people were people I only had to talk to once in a while or people I barely saw. But no, it's people close to me. People whose opinions are supposed to matter. And they can't... because their opinions are so unhealthy and so embittered, it's like poison. So... how do I love them in spite of themselves? How do I stay strong against what feels like an assault on the person I want to be? How do I change to be more Christlike? How do I keep my expectations for these people in check? Because in a lot of ways, that's what it comes down to. I can't expect them to respond the way I want them to. I can't expect them to be the way I want them to. I can only expect them to give what they have, which in many cases may not be very much. Not very much at all...