Winter continues on... I think I may have figured out why people shy away from relationships. As someone who always used to use relationships to define herself, now that my identity is truly and completely rooted in Christ, I find the idea of a romantic relationship deeply troubling. To enter into a world with someone else seems threatening. It seems to threaten the person I have worked so hard to create. Now I know I've had very little to do with it. I would still be a broken shell of a woman if not for God's redeeming love. But to find someone that might be just as formed in their spiritual walk, has similar interests, is as strong in character, love, and passions- why it makes easy to see why half the marriages end in divorce. It's almost easier to simply try and define yourself by someone else. Because actually finding someone who will be balanced and be an equal partner... it's almost impossible! The timing has to be perfect! And those few that might actually be something... there's other fears, like betrayal, pain, and failure, yet again.
I find myself asking... is this really what I want yet?
The funny thing about being somewhat mature in Christ, is that I now know that Christ is in control and I like that. I don't want to try and orchestrate my own future. But... sometimes I forget that I still have to ask him to make himself known to me and the roads I should follow.
So... now, as I see the birds waddle and preen on the electric wire and watch the icicles melt and glissen and glimmer in the sun, I know that God has taken care of the birds and what they are to wear and eat and I am much more than they are. He has promised it so. He is holding my hand, guiding me along, assuring me that his sure steps are the way to go, even if I feel I might fall down.
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